Dr. Epoch looks hot.
Mantis says "I don't wanna see Epoch in a skirt :)"
DH says "In pleated, plaid skirts? :)"
Dr. Epoch takes off the skirt, then.
Nol goes blind.
DH turns to stone.
Dr. Epoch shakes it, baby.
Mantis converts to homosexuality
Dr. Epoch woos. "My dick is like a wand of wonders!"
---------------------
Lethe learned a lot about cocksucking from that game.
---------------------
Lethe says "If I want to pound Conrad with the horsecock of darkness, it's not my fault!"
---------------------
Conrad says, "Yep, Lyle's the sanest person in Paris. He compares souls to pie. And he has very reasonable, logical reactions based on his unique perceptions. Mona? Drama queen teen. Malice? Nice guy, but man, he needs some new friends. Yves? Fucking his twin brother, hello. Anicet? Nutty as a fruitcake. A fruitcake made with a recipe favored by the Nut People, from the magical kingdom of Pecania. He's that monacled guy on the Planters' cans."
---------------------
Lethe says "Do you know what I do? I ream ass. Yes, thank you."
---------------------
Lethe says "Are you gonna drill me like the Alaskan wilderness, baby?"
Lethe says "Yet another thing not to ask during a job interview."
---------------------
Conrad says, "Dude, you're giving me pocket-unf."
---------------------
Conrad says "If these gerbils are rockin', don't come a knockin'."
---------------------
Lethe says "I dunno. I just like a little more fuck and a little less tard, you know?"
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "Duct tape is always useful somehow."
Dr. Epoch says "From sex to politics, duct tape is your handy friend."
---------------------
Conrad will play your gay mentor in the Dimension of Ass-Pounding, where all PCs must be gay. Wait, we've had that convo already tonight.
Lethe makes a Dimension of Ass-Pounding just for Conrad.
---------------------
Mantis says "Nothing has more funk than $245 worth of pudding."
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "(Cokatana for short.)"
Dr. Epoch says "Though I like to call him 'Cokie.'"
---------------------
Conrad says "The ladies love my gay cock."
Ninjakitten says "...again. All night he's been like this!"
---------------------
Peverel says "And if I'm your sugar daddy, shouldn't your mouth be full at the moment?"
Mantis says "Mmphmhmhpmh unf unf."
Lethe | In the end, I came.
---------------------
Mantis says "Like, if they'd stop showing the men's faces in pr0n when they're humping and hissing and going 'oh yeah, you like /that/?"
Mantis says "It'd be easier for me to pretend it's my penis."
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "You need to get one of those inflatable, waterproof things."
---------------------
Conrad says "Nol's immense and fearsome manhood would tear me in two like a kleenex."
---------------------
Lethe says "But Mr. Lethe's mom has a strange mystical talent. It's freaky."
Lethe says "She can sense the worst possible moment to guilt you into doing something."
Nol says "Use C4. It overrides strange mystical talents."
Lethe laughs.
Lethe imagines explaining that one.
Lethe | Mr. Lethe: Where's my mom?
Lethe | Lethe: Oh, here and there.
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "Man, that's like... you're bored, and you see this dog behind a fence, and so you grab a stick and start taunting it... and then suddenly it transforms into a troupe of dancing elves in green tights who proceed to sing a Gilbert and Sullivan opera."
---------------------
Lethe says "Yeah, but when I see the name Gaetan Peverel, I know it's a quality rant."
---------------------
Crone says "We don't care what you play, how you play it, or what your stats are. You just have to have a cock."
Dr. Epoch says "But my stats -are- my cock."
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "I mean, sure I was -holding- the chicken, but the photo was cut off below the waist. Maybe Lethe was just happy about something -else-!"
---------------------
Conrad says "Man, you know the gods are humping it like there's no tomorrow. It's all 'hey, millions of people pray to me and some of them fight wars with the other ones just because they think I'm cool, RIDE IT HOT THANG!' I would be, anyway. I would so use it as a pickup line. 'Have you seen my followers? So many of 'em, you know, it's easy to lose a thousand here or there, ha ha! My manhood casts quest spells!'"
Dr. Epoch says "Whatever. Screw pick up lines. Just take the form of some animal and get with the raping."
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "Whut wud u know aboot mooshers?"
Lethe knows she owns your punk asses.
Peverel hands over his punk ass.
Lethe molests Pev's punk ass.
Dr. Epoch says "My punk ass has a mohawk and a wicked rear leg kick. You better be careful."
Dr. Epoch says "He ain't no fuckin' pony ride, that's for sure."
---------------------
Nol says, "Who says beating off is a bad thing???'"
Lethe laughs. "Not me!"
Nol says "Well? Who?"
Peverel has no problem with it!
Nol says "See? We all concur."
Lethe says "It's those fuckers at the food pavilion in the mall that have a problem with it."
Lethe says "Not in the potted plants, they say. Security, take this man away, they say. Bah."
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "Illegal baring of nipples!"
Dr. Epoch, Nipple PD.
---------------------
Lethe says "If that doesn't have 'unf' written all over it, I don't know what does."
---------------------
Lethe unfs you, baby.
Ninjakitten sniffs. It's just all about the unfing with you, innit?
Lethe is the humpmaster. It's all about the unf.
---------------------
Ninjakitten says "...hey, my hair has officially gotten long enough to force into a bun. Barely."
Ninjakitten says "Not that I would know anything about forcing into buns."
---------------------
Peverel likes random butt.
---------------------
Lethe should've told him she was hung like a rhino.
Peverel, having never actually gotten up close to rhino cock....
Dr. Epoch says "Well, Pev, I wouldn't let it worry you... I'm sure most people would have trouble performing in such circumstances..."
---------------------
Lethe says "The thing is, I always forget until /after/ the references to rhino cock that Pev keeps a quote file."
---------------------
Lethe says "I'm too dumb to understand the nuances of the question."
---------------------
Lethe says "God no! Not the horsecock ones. Leave my penchant for absent-mindedly stumbling over bestiality references out of it."
---------------------
Peverel will have hawt TS with you, Ninjakitten! I have enough cocks to go around!
---------------------
Lethe says "Good lord. There was that night of rampant tranny talk."
---------------------
Ninjakitten .oO( I ass you! Ee hee hee hee hee! )
Ninjakitten just wants to yell it at people (mostly in text, but) randomly. I ass you!!!
---------------------
Lethe says "Dude. I've never been snuffed in RP before."
Lethe says "Plus he was talking about dogs earlier."
Lethe edges away.
Ninjakitten says "Perverel."
Peverel says "LETHE was talking about the dog-sex!"
Peverel says "Lethe is all about the dog-sex!"
Lethe says "That is so not true!"
Ninjakitten says "Uh huh. Blame the sweet pure saintly Lethe."
Peverel says "She's all, woo! Getting fucked by dogs! Awwww yeah!"
Lethe says "So not true!"
Peverel says "At least he didn't suggest a sheep."
Lethe says "True."
---------------------
Ninjakitten says "Come now. Do I have an evil bone in my body?"
Ninjakitten says "...when I'm not TSing with one of you?"
---------------------
Ninjakitten misses her fan club, man.
Peverel gives Ninjakitten a fan!
Ninjakitten ooh.
Ninjakitten turns her fan on so it'll blow.
Peverel is not going there.
---------------------
Lethe says "Conrad reminds me of a game."
Lethe says "Where you take a team name and put the word 'butt' between the city and mascot. So, like, the Denver Butt-Bronchos."
Dr. Epoch says "Conrad reminds me of a dusty old typewriter."
Dr. Epoch says "Except no matter which keys you hit, it just types out endless hot gay sexx0risms."
Dr. Epoch says "So you're like 'Dear Mother' and it comes out 'Oh Holiest of Holes'."
Dr. Epoch says "'Today I went to the supermarket, and purchased a box of noodles.' ---> 'Today I went down to the butcher, and 'fresh meat' was on special. I purchased a tube steak.'"
Conrad says "I prefer to think of myself as full of life than, you know, being a shameless whore whose mind can only comprehend teh coks."
---------------------
Conrad says "Inspect my 'pressure,' baby, and clean out my 'intake manifold.'"
---------------------
Ninjakitten makes a pr0n version of The Tick. Calls him The Dick and makes his battle cry be "SPOOOOOOOOO!"
---------------------
Conrad says "Rum, sodomy and the lash. The three pillars of any good all-Metis Pirate Gangrel MUX."
Ninjakitten says "God, that sounds appealing. ;)"
---------------------
Lethe says "THAT MAN HAS A KOALA HANGING OFF HIS WANG!"
---------------------
Lethe | Show you care. Get involved in ASS.
---------------------
[Spam] Loathsome Lethe today saw a picture of two guys fucking a watermelon.
[Spam] Hating Lethe, Peverel says, "Um."
[Spam] Loathsome Lethe says, "I bet you will."
[Spam] Loathsome Lethe says, "Yeah, it was disturbing."
[Spam] Loathsome Lethe says, "I mean at first, it was like, "Oh, two guys fucking a watermelon." Then, I started to think about it."
[Spam] Hating Lethe, Peverel says, "Yeah. Um."
[Spam] Loathsome Lethe says, "Someone got a watermelon, cut two cock-sized holes in it, and these two guys actually got together, got hard, and found a way to coordinate it so they could both get in on it. They worked out a rhythm."
[Spam] Loathsome Lethe says, "And someone filmed this."
[Spam] Loathsome Lethe says, "And they filmed it because there is some kind of market for it."
[Spam] Loathsome Lethe says, "When all those facts come together, fucking a watermelon is just weird."
---------------------
Lethe says, "I mean, I could be creating something of lasting beauty and value. Instead, I'll be known for: When all those facts come together, fucking a watermelon is weird."
---------------------
Lethe | Unf! I choose you! Spoo attack! (Pocket-unf, gotta catch 'em all).
---------------------
Nol says "If I wanted it rough, I'd stick it in the freezer."
---------------------
Ninjakitten says "Watermelon fucking just grabs all your attention, huh? >:)"
---------------------
Ninjakitten says "Whole new meaning to 'melon baller'!"
---------------------
Lethe says "I have no cash. I only have copious amounts of ass."
---------------------
Lethe wants to be loved, too! Like a big fluffy ewe on a Montana farm.
---------------------
Lethe says "If only you didn't radiate an aura of horror that causes plants to wilt in your presence."
Nol says "I WAS ONLY A SMALL CACTUS PLANT!"
Nol says "IT! IT! I was never a cactus plant."
Lethe says "It was enough."
Nol mutters.
Lethe now pictures Nol lurking in a terra cotta pot leering at passerby sullenly.
---------------------
Lethe says "Because straight cock just tastes better, so I'm told."
---------------------
Conrad overhears the following here in the office, as two co-workers discuss one's poor luck in lovers. Direct quote.
Conrad | Co-worker: You love nutjobs don't you?
---------------------
Peverel is the harbinger of doom!
Conrad says "Harbinger of booty!"
Talorin has connected.
---------------------
Lethe's ISP however does not wish that semen tasted like apple crisp.
---------------------
Lethe says "Have a tall refreshing glass of suck my dick!"
---------------------
Lethe thinks that, "Quick! Violate something!" are words to live by.
---------------------
Lethe is now thinking of Zorro, the Gay Blade trying to say sheep/ships.
Lethe says "Joo know, ze little ba ba bas?"
Lethe says "Uh oh. That is exactly what Nol's accent sounds like in my head."
Lethe says "Oh man. Don't tell him. He'll hurt me."
Peverel says "I fucking LOVE that movie."
Lethe says "I do too! Only now I keep picturing Nol as the Gay Blade."
Lethe weeps.
Lethe says "Do you know what it's going to be like for me sitting here from now on thinking about Nol and seeing him, in my mind's eye, wearing a mask and a mariachi hat? I don't even know where the fucking hat came from. My brain is going nuts right now!"
Conrad says "Oh my gods."
Conrad says "My mind broke on that image."
Lethe weeps. "It hurts. It hurts me."
Conrad says "Little shaker things. I can't remember what they're called. The shaka-shaka things. And wearing a brightly colored poncho."
Conrad says "Singing 'La Cucaracha.'"
Lethe rants incoherently, "It's how I picture you! Picture you all!" Her hand sweeps drunkenly across the table, scattering baguettes and wine glasses. She lurches, turning to face you, a fleck of drool on her lips. "All of you! In Mariachi hats!"
---------------------
Lethe fears. Fear in a mariachi hat.
Nol says "Or a terracotta pot. Yes, yes, I take many shapes."
---------------------
Nol says "Pev. Eat them. Don't fuck them. And you can put THAT in your quote file."
---------------------
Akane says "Hello Kitty just comes by with the strapon occasionally. I really dig her little whiskers."
---------------------
Lethe aw yeah. "It was a dark and stormy night. Pev was on his knees, smoking my pipe as I sat in my study, plotting how to get Akane away from that bitch Hello Kitty."
---------------------
Peverel calls the Vindictive God of Brownies to smite Akane.
Akane says "Dude, I /am/ the Vindictive God of Brownies."
You say "Oh, crumbs."
Akane says "And now, young Peverel, you die."
---------------------
Akane likes to spank her ass ninjas with katanas.
---------------------
Lethe calls Conrad. "Hi, yeah. My ass just got fucked."
Conrad responds, "Let me escalate this to my manager."
Conrad says "The manager...in my pants."
---------------------
Conrad says "If it's not Satanist-wannabe high school kids I have to chase through a national park, it's uncles with a shrub fetish or a mountain lion or some shit. It's not safe up there."
---------------------
Lethe says "Bend over, boy, and I'll violate more than your copyright."
---------------------
Peverel says "Oh! I was talking about your vibrator."
Lethe says "It feels kind of good."
---------------------
Peverel says "Poor Nol. I'm so mean to him."
Lethe says "And you inspire me to be mean, too."
Lethe says "But after the mariachi hats, there's not many new levels of petty cruelty I can sink to."
Peverel says "Oh. That's true."
Lethe hangs her head.
Peverel envisions Nol wearing nothing but a mariachi hat and a Zorro cape, standing behind a surprised-looking sheep with a grin on his face.
---------------------
Lethe says "You don't know from country living until you've had your arms inside a goat up to the elbows."
---------------------
Lethe says "Wow. I didn't know you could do that to a raw chicken breast."
---------------------
Lethe serves Peverel a healthy helping of unfschnitzel.
---------------------
Conrad says "And my ass sprouts lilies every Easter."
---------------------
Conrad kept putting the box in his pants and wondering why nothing happened.
---------------------
Lethe says "I talk a lot about fucking animals. So? You talk a lot about fucking men. Does that make you g- oh."
---------------------
Conrad says "Strangely, I always think of Presence as being the one that changed the most, but Protean is the one that's different somehow at EVERY LEVEL."
Peverel says "My butt is different at every level."
Lethe says "It's true."
Conrad has disconnected.
Lethe says "Yeep."
Conrad has connected.
Conrad says "Oops, rebooted."
Lethe staples Conrad down.
Lethe says "You scared me, man. I thought that the idea of Pev's multi-layered ass scared you off."
Conrad says "Your 18th level Elven Butt-Ranger had to boot me."
Lethe haw haw.
Conrad says "Hey man, six attacks a round."
Conrad says "Butt attacks."
Conrad aw yeah.
Lethe phears.
Conrad just wanted to come back so you wouldn't think I was attacked by butts or something.
Conrad says "AW YEAH BABY WHO'S YER RANGER"
Conrad HAW HAW
You say "Jesus. You're on a quotefile roll."
Conrad says "Though if you think about it, any D&D class makes a good thing to shout stupidly."
Conrad says "AW YEAH BABY WHO'S YER JIZZARD - I MEAN, WIZARD"
Conrad says "I think Jizzards are, by necessity, students of the Invoke/Evoke school."
---------------------
Ninjakitten spreads the unf.
---------------------
Lethe can outfreak any of you.
---------------------
Peverel says "I code in Fuck++."
Nol says "Fuck++. A new, innovative language by Micr0$0ft. Why call it 'loop' when you can call it '69'? Why call it 'return' when you can call it 'tailgait'? Why call it 'service pack' when you can call it 'bend over'?"
Ninjakitten says "Man, I don't wanna see any child processes spawned."
Ninjakitten says "What's that, a general protection fault?"
---------------------
Lethe says "My hatred grows daily."
Kieron says "So it's like fingernails, then."
Peverel says "Only more gooey."
Kieron says "So it's like mutant marmalade then."
Peverel says "Yes!"
Peverel says "Mutant marmalade that will become like the Marmalade Blob and eat Portland."
Kieron says "Let's hope it doesn't get into Conrad's pants."
---------------------
Ninjakitten wears your crotch as a hat. Arrrr.
---------------------
Peverel says "Mmmm, fisting Metallica. WHO'S YER NAPSTER, BABY!"
Lethe says "A day without Pev is like a day without inappropriate humor."
---------------------
Conrad says "It loves me. It wants to be in my mouth."
---------------------
Conrad says "I could baste myself in the juices of his pain."
---------------------
Lethe says "BEHOLD THE POWER OF MY ASS!"
---------------------
Nol says "Please, no mooning before coffee."
---------------------
Lethe says "I know this isn't any kind of huge revelation, but I like cock."
---------------------
Dominic's shit is holy, yes. Package and sell in Rome for $25 a fudgy.
---------------------
Mantis says "Even better was the one that said 'I Drink Cum!'"
---------------------
Dominic doesn't see anything freakish about papists drinking cum from fudgy cocks. But then, he might be alone on that.
Conrad says "That is a mountain of you being alone in that."
Dominic says "Hey, just be glad I didn't work "chicken" in there somewhere."
Conrad says "I am very, very glad."
---------------------
Mantis says "Grab Bob Dole's Bic pen and ride his campaign trail."
---------------------
Lethe says "You'd be popular down under too if you wrote gay porn."
---------------------
Lethe says "I like to write educational porn, so I'm thinking of adding something about the Aborigines in there, but I can't bring myself to do a Google search with the key words Aborigine lesbian rites"
---------------------
Lethe says "Every four years or so I get an itch."
Lethe says "Check it out, next Republican convention. I'll be the one with no pants on dry-humping the candidate's leg."
---------------------
Conrad says "There's an escalation procedure among gay men that's universally recognized: complain politely, then hostilely, then pout, then threaten, then whine, then bribe."
Lethe writes this down, taking notes like Jane Goodall.
Conrad says "Gay men in the mists...GONE WILD"
---------------------
Lethe is the crotch mistress. Believe it, bub.
Mantis is the crotch master. The sultan of schlong. The ayatollah of cock'a'rolla.
---------------------
Lethe says "So I got, for example: Thou shalt buttfuck the Pope while dressed in drag."
Ninjakitten says "The truly righteous shall dry hump the lambs of God at a sushi bar."
Lethe | Be thou exalted and vandalize a pocket pussy and like it.
Lethe says "Did Pev write this?"
Lethe says "The host of heaven cannot dry hump lawn furniture while in drag."
Lethe says "It profiteth a man to smoke crack with the unwashed and like it."
Lethe says "Okay, I'm keeping myself occuped. :)"
Lethe says "Occupied, even."
Mantis says "Thank god. I can finally take a break."
Lethe says "Haw haw haw."
Lethe | Be not afraid to buttfuck the Pope while yodeling.
Lethe says "Pev has influenced my sense of humor. I blame him."
Conrad says "Pev has also butt-unfed the Pope, by coincidence."
Lethe says "Coincidence? I think not!"
Conrad says "Well, OK, it wasn't exactly an accident."
Lethe says "You don't just walk up and fall on the Pope, you know."
Peverel has arrived.
---------------------
Lethe says "One time! One time I lead you to gay Highlights slash, and you never let me live it down."
---------------------
Conrad sure has poled some bears in his time.
Lethe says "Was that you?"
Lethe says "Man, I'm -never- wearing -that- Halloween costume again."
---------------------
Akane wiggles. Gosh, you guys make me feel like looking for plushie snuff porn. Sniff.
---------------------
Lethe could have a room known as the Hall of Dildos and become famous or something.
Mantis says "Now I know what to get her for her birthday next year. I'll make a mold of my schlong and air-mail it to her with some cookies."
---------------------
Lethe says "Just remember, when you're feeling blue and convinced you'll never get laid: Are you my walrus? Yes! You are! Come to daddy."
Lethe says "But I forbid him from moaning that in the heat of passion. I have standards."
---------------------
Lethe says "Tell him you'll be late and to use that time wisely to wrap himself in bubble wrap."
Lethe says "So go to his place, fuck, then leave him sleeping and go see the toy."
Conrad says "Mmmmmmmm, bubble wrap."
Lethe says "Mantis knows what I'm talking about."
Mantis says "Because that's what you did to me last week, bitch."
Lethe says "Before you go, slap him on the ass and say, "That was good, toots. You could go pro." It'll make him feel special."
---------------------
Akane immediately kicks NK's ass.
Ninjakitten's donkey whines and threatens to call PETA.
Akane grabs her crotch and screams obscenities about PETA, redneck style.
---------------------
Ninjakitten says "Sure, size isn't everything, but I don't hear anyone complaining it's too big yet."
---------------------
Ninjakitten says "Can't we all just get it on?"
---------------------
Ninjakitten | He's a chitonous insect with a taste for mates who eat his head. She's a kitten schooled in the secret eastern arts. They fight Pern!
---------------------
Ninjakitten says "There are only 10 kinds of people in the world. The ones who understand binary and the ones who don't."
---------------------
Lethe admits if she had a horse dildo she'd use it like a billy club.
---------------------
Akane experimentally shoves maracas up Lethe's ass.
---------------------
Mantis mmms. Freelance.
Mantis is available for sub-contracting all week long.
Lethe got something you can sub-contract.
Lethe says "IN MY PANTS."
Mantis frees his lance in Lethe's pants.
---------------------
Conrad says "I love the iPod's interface."
Conrad says "That and the nipple are the only two intuitive interfaces in the world."
---------------------
Lethe says "So I was trying to picture what Pev looks like today."
Lethe says "It was funny."
Ninjakitten wanna know what you picture.
Lethe says "I pictured first of all this dark shadowy figure cloaked in the darkness of his own vile evil."
Ninjakitten hee.
Lethe says "Only somehow, this dark spectre was trapped in the 80s, so the silhouette of the hair..."
Lethe says "So I ended up with this kind of Phantom Meets the Opera meets Flashdance montage."
Ninjakitten laughs!
Lethe says "Er, Phantom of the Opera. You can see how this scarred me."
Lethe can no longer form coherent thoughts.
Lethe says "So I've got this Phantom of the Opera meets Flashdance montage, and something in the mental image involves false eyelashes, glitter makeup, and silver go-go boots."
Lethe says "And a black trenchcoat."
---------------------
Lethe says, "I mean I really do. In college, my circle of male friends called me the Blowjob Queen."
---------------------
Kieron says "There are some things that man was not meant to know. Unfortunately, Pev has them all bookmarked."
---------------------
Lethe lives for saying things like this in a room full of men: "There's nothing like a guy hitting on you while he's ringing up your tampons."
---------------------
Lethe also bought watermelon, and is partaking even now.
Kieron says "Since you're not a shemale, I guess that leaves out fucking it."
Lethe says "You'd think so."
---------------------
Lethe is eating it all right. Aw yeah.
Lethe likes having a faceful of melon.
---------------------
Lethe says "I mean cock is just nature's funnest toy."
---------------------
Lethe remembers that cock dream she had. Not that she's fixating.
Peverel says "Lethe? Fixate on cock? Never."
Lethe mmm cock.
Lethe says "Nature's lollipop."
Lethe realized how realistic her dreams are. She dreamt she had a cock, and in the dream, she wouldn't leave her room. People kept visiting and she was pretending not to be home. "It's the Pope, he's here to see you!" "Tell him to fuck off!" "What are you doing in there?" "Going bliiiiiind!"
---------------------
Lethe remembers the officer near DC that she wanted to frisk her so badly.
Lethe kept implying she was hiding things on her person.
Lethe implied she might even be 'naughty.'
Lethe's friend, the driver, was like, "Shut. Up. Dude."
Lethe says "Alas."
Peverel cries.
Lethe says "Hello! Total babe, no wedding ring, carrying handcuffs."
Lethe says "What the hell was I supposed to do?"
Dominic says "Gay."
Lethe says "Yeah, probably."
Peverel nods.
Dominic grins. "What street was this...?"
Peverel says "BAD DOMINIC"
Lethe says "It was on one of your many highways."
Lethe says "Hey, I'll help a brutha out! I just can't remember which. Think Maryland side of things."
Dominic hmphs at Pev. "Just thought I'd confirm that he's a raging homosexual in tight uniform pants. So Lethe won't feel like he was a missed opportunity, y'know?"
Lethe says "Man. Dominic. You're a real friend."
Lethe says "You'd take a cop cock for me? I'm touched."
---------------------
Dominic hms. Vibrating adamantium forearm-mounted dildos. Three on each arm. Yar.
---------------------
Lethe says "Maybe a story about a gangbang orgy with a realdoll named Pev."
Lethe will call it "Buckets of Spoo."
Lethe says "It'll be a romance piece."
Lethe says "Then the realdoll will come to life and destroy Tokyo."
Peverel makes Godzilla noises.
Lethe eyes the battery casing, mumbling, "Is it supposed to make that sound?"
Lethe says "You know, I think my purpose in life, truly, is to ruin sex for others."
Lethe says "Only I damage myself in the process, because I twigged on that Pev-doll as Godzilla scenario, and thought: those aren't lasers its shooting out of its eyes."
Lethe curls up in a ball quietly.
Peverel points and laughs.
Kieron hmms. "How about a porn X-man movie? Cyclops. He wears a ruby-visored jockstrap."
---------------------
Lethe can't fuck to music if she knows the lyrics and likes them.
Lethe says "Little known fact."
---------------------
Lethe says "You know, it amazes me that for all that I've played with guns, I've only shot at someone intentionally once."
Lethe shot at a guy who threatened to stab me.
Lethe says "That was kind of funny. I miss high school."
Lethe | Him: You don't have the nerve.
Lethe | Me: *BLAM*
Lethe | Him: *run*
Lethe says "I've become a better conversationalist since I stopped carrying firearms."
---------------------
Mantis puts the dick in ass.
---------------------
Lethe says "Think of all the things that could go wrong when a straight man tries his first man-love experiment. It could give 'cocking an ear' a whole new meaning."
Lethe tries to picture the romantic talk between Gruff Straight Man and his first gay lover. He's nervous. He's not sure what to do. He's pounded down a few brewskis to get him ready. They're in the hotel room. The lights are low. Romantic music is playing in the background, and GSM says, "So, uh. Is this where you take out your glass eye and I skull fuck ya?"
---------------------
Lethe says "Dude. There was a 'choose your own smut 'story on Lit once."
Lethe says "The choose your own was great. It used every bad cliche and they all ended badly."
Lethe says "The best bad ending is when Daddy goes to get a condom and comes back to find Fido finishing the job, and Princess asks, "Daddy, can I get a pony?""
---------------------
Crone says "His butt chomps at the dildos like a camel eating a carrot"
---------------------
Conrad says "Oh my god. My asshole will never open again."
---------------------
Conrad says "He just looks so -happy-. Like, 'Hey, I'm gonna be ass-fucked by a power drill!'"
---------------------
Lethe thinks the best part about cats is that they're predatory animals, yet if you ruffle their ears and call them Sir Snuzzlepaws there isn't a damned thing they can do about it.
---------------------
Conrad is going to steel-plate his ass.
Lethe says "I'll call you Buttron."
Lethe says "Your special transformer power is a steel plating that whips around you like a chastity belt. You're the arch enemy of super villain Equus Dildor."
Lethe says "Butt-plating for great justice!"
---------------------
Dr. Epoch has connected.
Kieron says "Indeed. Reduced to watching MPGs of men painted to look like skunks butt fucking crotchless huskies."
Dr. Epoch says "..."
Kieron says "What marvelous timing."
Dr. Epoch says "I wish you guys wouldn't talk about me when I'm offline."
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "Her dying words..."
Dr. Epoch says "In the throes of death, she calls out the name of her murderer."
Lethe has connected.
---------------------
Mantis says "1/8 teaspoon mace"
Dr. Epoch takes a whupping, but keeps on... flupping.
Mantis says "Nothing like a little pepper spray to spice up my spotted dick!"
Lethe says "Make your own spotted dick!"
---------------------
Lethe touches herself and thinks of dribbling mouthbreathers.
Lethe moans.
---------------------
Conrad says "In much the same sense that I am, at any time, ready to have sex with Matt Damon in the interest of national security?"
Dr. Epoch dubs Conrad 'The Officer Of Matt Damon Sexx0ring In Case Of National Emergency (Homosexual Liason).'
Conrad says "Mr. Damon, it's time you respect my authori-tie."
Dr. Epoch says "It's only fair that there be a chick Officer too. You never know exactly what sort of National Emergency it might be."
Dr. Epoch hmms. "Would you sleep with Matt Damon if the national emergency was that George W. was in desperate need of porno wank material?"
Dr. Epoch says "Talk about your moral dilemma."
Dr. Epoch can't believe he even -thought- of that.
Conrad says "Only if it made Mrs. Bush (either of them) cry."
Dominic peers. "Am I to understand that there's a conceivable set of circumstances under which you would *not* fuck Matt Damon senseless?"
Conrad says "Well, if Georgie-pie was going to like sit there and -watch-. Like, in the room with us. I couldn't do that."
Conrad says "Unless it was all going to be nationally televised. Somehow that would make it okay."
Dr. Epoch says "Well, I was thinking more of a direct-feed closed circuit scenario."
Dr. Epoch says "Beamed directly into the oval office."
Conrad says "Oh, who am I kidding? I'd fuck Matt Damon on the hood of my own mother's car."
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "See, if only Bono would use his priveledged access to the political elite to kick some ASS, I might respect the man."
Dr. Epoch says "You know, like... Helms: Well Mr. Bono, son, I've heard so much about yer good work I just figgered we could pose us fer some pictures and talk about it.. Bono: Fuck you, old man! *WHAM* *POW* *SOCK*"
Dr. Epoch says "Insert Batman: the TV series style interludes."
---------------------
Dr. Epoch oos. "I've always wanted to be a ninja."
Peverel says "No, you've always wanted a harem full of ninjas."
Dr. Epoch says "That too."
Dr. Epoch says "But if I had a harem full of ninjas, and -I- wasn't a ninja, I wouldn't be able to see them or anything, because they'd be so sneaky."
Dr. Epoch says "So like, I'd just be wandering along and suddenly all my clothes would be off and there'd be... ooo, hmm, maybe that wouldn't be so bad."
---------------------
Mantis says "Yeah. That's my cue to go conquer the universe."
---------------------
Peverel says "It sounds like what you'd say if a Shriner blew up."
Peverel says "Ka-FEZ!"
Ninjakitten laughs!
Ninjakitten says "Watch out! Exploding Shriners!"
Lethe laughs!
Dr. Epoch says "They're all exploding."
Dr. Epoch says "You just gotta twist the top of their little red hats."
Ninjakitten says "That's not a tassel -- that's a FUSE!!!"
---------------------
Mantis says "But I've often wondered how hard it really would be to go to bars and follow drunk people out and roll them in an alley for cash. Or hell, just bump them and pick their pocket - they're stone drunk, so you don't even have to be good."
Peverel parsed that as 'Or hell, just hump them and pick their pocket - they're stone drunk, so you don't even have to be good.'
Peverel says "And that whole rant made a lot of sense to me until I realized you said 'bump'."
Dr. Epoch says "Pev, you need to patent this parser of yours."
Dr. Epoch says "I mean, no one will need to buy porn at all... they can just turn it on and load up the New York Times page..."
---------------------
Lethe says "English is a thug language. It follows other languages into dark alleys, beats them up, and browses through their wallet for lexicon."
---------------------
Conrad says "His hate is like the dildo of the gods: nine feet long, made of black silicon and aimed at your ass."
---------------------
Lethe says "If he shows up in plush, go easy on him."
---------------------
Conrad says "What...on earth...is the meaning of that image."
Conrad says "It's like it's supposed to be cute but then all the cuteness is scooped out and replaced with simian wang."
---------------------
Lethe says "Tsantismentos -- the pissy freshmaker."
---------------------
Lethe has disconnected.
Mantis says "Cockslut!"
Lethe has connected.
---------------------
Ninjakitten obviously needs to wear people's crotches as hats more often if she wants to keep up with the big boys around here.
---------------------
Lethe says "You know, Ashcroft is going to read this and send the Feds after you."
Peverel says "Good. Fucker."
Lethe pictures Ashcroft waddling in chez Pev to see what's keeping his FBI monkeys and finds Pev bending one of them over the coffee table, mid-unf.
Ninjakitten likes that image.
Peverel looks up at Ashcroft, all innocence, and says, "Ihumpthings."
---------------------
Dr. Epoch, the new technological advance in feces!
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "Sometimes I wonder where the Lethe ends and the Pev begins..."
Kieron says "At the genitals."
---------------------
Kieron doesn't actually particularly mind so long as it's the right size and he's not bothered.
---------------------
Lethe says "That man is lucky I don't smother him to death in his sleep. He should fall to his knees and praise me for letting him live. That's the way marriage SHOULD work."
Mantis says "But you guys aren't married."
Lethe says "Okay, that's how living in sin should work."
Lethe says "We're going to get married. The only thing holding us back is laziness."
Dr. Epoch says "No, I'm pretty sure there's more pineapple involved in living in sin."
---------------------
Lethe blames Pev for the obscene farm animal portion of last night's dream.
---------------------
Lethe says "True. Damn Bush and his gay-guard!"
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "I'm like the Sumerian god of the quotefile -- my dick starts the whole thing going."
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "How do Pev's pants communicate? Morse code?"
Dr. Epoch says "Braille?"
Nol says "Pev, your DVDs are mostly bought by your pants, I fear."
---------------------
Em says "Though I'm sure you've mastered the transition from suck to blow."
Nol has connected.
---------------------
Lethe says "My hair exists to all intents and purposes as a big plastic head-clam fixed to my skull."
---------------------
Crone says "A porn star that came with a straw would have been just as believable though."
Em says "I had her."
---------------------
Em says "Someday, I hope to have had that much unf."
---------------------
Crone says "And I was like, "Come on, would you feel perfectly normal paging Thirty Men Cum on Face for application approval?""
---------------------
Nol gets this irrational picture of man and woman after sex, sharing a banana instead of a cigarette. Outta my head. Out!
---------------------
Peverel loves his quotefile.
Nol says "Do you think any player will take us seriously after reading that? 'Hey! Edit your BG. No horse cock flaws allowed!' 'But Lethe has one!'"
---------------------
Em says "I knew the Washington Monument was phallic, I'd just never thought of the drive around the Lincoln Memorial as a big asphalt ball sack before."
---------------------
Em says "Where's Bukkake when you need a little action?"
---------------------
Em says "Is. Is astonishing. Mind thinks one thing, fingers type another."
Nol says "Happens to me all the time. Mind thinks 'Mmmm boobies!', fingers type 'CoCreateInstance("progID.clsID")'."
---------------------
Em says "Ahh, quotefile. There's nothing quite like inappropriate laugh-out-loud humor that has to be wiped out of cache immediately after load."
Peverel laughs.
Em | Boss: Em, I was trying to run some reports from your machine, and all of these references to horse cock kept coming up. Why is that?
Em | Em: Obviously, Network Engineer Nasty Man was using my computer again.
Em | Em: I would NEVER participate in a mighty equus cockus fest.
Nol says "You know, we could make a porn movie based on that script. Right after your denial, the whole scene somehow degenrates into a company-wide orgy."
Nol says "Then you get the porn star stud detective, who shows up to combat the 'SQL Slammer' 'worm', that caused it all. 'Stop slamming your worm, dammit! Can't you see you've been infected?!'"
---------------------
Lethe | The world prepares for war / All the killing, bombs, and gore, / But I'm gonna fight the fight / My stroking day and night / Pound Pud for Peace / Pound it brother, never cease / Let the rivers flow with jism, not blood / Come on, pet your wombat / Ladies, if you hate combat / Fight with vibrating missiles, not Scuds. / Hop to it, start whacking it, / Make friendly with your crack and slit, / They'll say you should go fuck yourself / And they're right...
Lethe says "Mariachi sheep buggery convinced me."
---------------------
Nol says "Steel yourself, Em. Soon you'll be called upon to valiantly disregard your body's reaction for abject laughter in the workplace."
Em says "...Oh no, what have you done?"
Nol says "Me? Nothing. But Pev will Awaken soon..."
Em laughs.
Nol says "And then his mighty brigades of mocha-flavoured programmable vibrating butt-plugs will assault your consciousness anew."
Em says "Alas, my life is so hard. It is tragic."
---------------------
Em says "No way. My unf waits for no man."
---------------------
Idaho says "Would a dick-flavored cigarette, when smoked, sound like this?"
Idaho PUNF PUNF PUNF
---------------------
Nol's sister-in-law would break you.
Nol says "She's have a little Nolness in her."
Nol says "(NO, that's NOT what I meant, PEV!)"
---------------------
Peverel says "You know, Nol, if you ever get married, I'm going to take out all the Nol-bits of the quotefile, have them cross-stitched, and send them to you."
Em, helpfully: "I can cross-stitch."
Nol says "Pev, if I ever get married, she'll be the kind of girl to reward me with hot sex for those quotes."
Peverel says "Nol, if you ever get married, she'll be the kind of -sheep- to reward you with hot sex for those quotes."
Em, helpfully: "Baaaa."
---------------------
Nol says "If the path had forked a different way...maybe. Who knows?"
Peverel says "Yes. If the path had forked a different way, you might be turning tricks in an all-male Thai brothel with donkeys."
Nol says "That'd have been some fork."
Em says "I think anyone could've gone down that path, given enough time and mind-altering drugs."
Peverel says "God knows -I- did."
Peverel says "Oh, wait."
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "Every time I come back to this window, you guys have changed to a different theme of innuendo."
---------------------
Peverel says "Oh. My dad said you reminded him of Dieter."
Em says "As in now is the time on Sprockets when we dance Dieter?"
Peverel says "Yes."
Em HOWLS.
Nol says "I'm sorry. American in-joke, lost on the Euro guy. Please to be explainink now. Ok thx."
---------------------
Lethe says "You guy shave the best things out East."
---------------------
Lethe says "There's always room for S-P-A-N-K!"
---------------------
Nol says "Buttstretching for goodness!"
---------------------
Alaska laughs. I need ass-riding, though, otherwise I never get anything done.
---------------------
Lethe is the ambassador of hot gay virtual luv.
---------------------
Peverel says "Would've been funnier if I hadn't been laughing so hard I typo'd 'hermaphrodite'."
---------------------
Lethe says "I wish I could've had guys like that interested in me. No, the guy I had constantly asking me out was the next door neighbor who had been caught with a goat."
---------------------
Dominic thinks when you're assturbating, 'come' and 'back' are about as interesting as it gets.
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "He who controls the nipple, controls the world."
---------------------
Nol says "It's simple, really. You build a nation and proceed to sodomize its inhabitants according to your wildest, wettest power trips."
Lethe whimpers. I want.
Lethe will make them all eat nature-burger while fucking them with horsecock dildos.
Nol doesn't think the game designer has thought of the 'death by sodomy from horsecock dildo' option, but you can always e-mail him and ask for it.
---------------------
Nol says "'How to turn your sex into a 7-ft tall carnivorous man-eater in 10 easy lessons'"
---------------------
Nol says "And it was a proper sex shop."
Alaska LAUGHS.
Peverel says "But not a tentacle sex shop."
Nol says "Well. For normal people, that is. It didn't have horsecocks of darkness."
Alaska says "I never said I didn't believe you!"
Peverel says "YEAH! What's up with that?"
Peverel says "What good is a sex shop that doesn't sell a good horsecock of darkness?"
---------------------
Nol satisfies his power tool gene. What is it about us men and power tools anyway?
Alaska says "I don't think it's just a men thing. I am also fond of power tools."
Alaska says "...Err, wait, I mean in like the screwdriver sense."
Alaska says "Err.. oh, shit. There's no way to NOT make that sound bad, is there?"
---------------------
Alaska says "I helped rebuild a '66 Dodge Dart when I was thirteen. I know my way around power tools. Seriously. Not just naughty tools, actual tools. I can -- and oh god, I was about to say that I know how to use a pneumatic drill, and that's just the high road to QF hell, right there. I give up."
---------------------
Kieron says "Try it this way...
http://www.orgasmsguaranteed.com/ProdHTML/wascallycloseup.asp"
Dr. Epoch says "My god, that link name alone is scarring me."
Dr. Epoch says "Especially with the 'prod' abbreviation."
Lethe says "Dude, I've had four orgasms just waiting for this guarantee."
Dr. Epoch says "Works for me."
Dr. Epoch says "Except that I don't have a clitoris to be directly stimulated by the rabbit ears."
---------------------
Lethe says "What runs in my family is... hrm. I'm David Crockett's great-niece."
Lethe says "Maybe great-great."
Peverel doesn't believe it. You're just the grand-niece of the racooon he wore on his head.
Dominic says "Which means she could still be *his* grand-niece, too...."
---------------------
Dominic just imagines Davy cresting some mountain, gazing west in awe and ambition, with some compatriot by his side. 'Yep Davy,' says his faithful friend, 'someday, the trail you're blazing will lead to fertile fields, far shores, valleys overflowing with the vineyards of the Almighty. And in the midst of it all will sit your descendents. Writing gay porn.'
---------------------
Lethe was kind of sleazed at by President Clinton back when he was campaigning.
Dominic returns from marking the anchor points for this blasted thing on the bathroom wall. "Heh. Just think, you could've spent the rest of your life being 'Former White House Intern Lethe.' Hosting a bad reality TV show."
Dominic says "I'm thinking you can log that one in the "Bullets Dodged" column."
Lethe returns and snerks at Dominic.
Lethe says "They'd never catch me. I'd have never let enough escape to stain a dress! Er, that's a bad defense."
---------------------
Lethe laughs and returns. "Yes, the ass of Damascus has indeed struck again."
---------------------
Alaska says "..."
Alaska says "...My ass twinges with sympathy pain."
---------------------
Lethe says "Man, if I get evicted from Pev's pants, it'll prove I can get kicked out of anywhere."
---------------------
Lethe says "Pev! Is the left ear or right ear the 'gay' piercing?"
Peverel says "Right."
Lethe says "Thankee."
Peverel says "Not that I'd know!"
Lethe snickers.
Lethe just assumes you would. You're my Homopedia.
---------------------
Lethe imagines showing the good Senator the quotefile.
Lethe says "Oh, uh all those horsecock references? That was Dominic spoofing me."
Lethe then could defend herself on national television by saying, "How do homosexual acts lead to bestiality in the home? Have you seen my place? Where would I put the pony?!"
Dominic LAUGHS.
Lethe says "Knowing this country, I'd end up with my own talk show."
Alaska says "I'd watch it."
Dominic would be a regular guest.
Lethe says "Welcome to Rock Around the Cock with Lethe!"
Lethe wants her own theme song now.
Lethe says "Ala Happy Days. "One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock: cock!""
Dominic suddenly has disturbing visions of anatomically-correct alarm clocks in Spencer's Gifts.
Lethe says "Imagine the snooze function."
Dominic says "I think you mean the spooge function."
Lethe says "Why I believe I do."
Lethe now wants to see what happens when you cross a dildo with one of those 'rockin flowers' that gyrates when it hears music.
Alaska says "..."
Dominic says "I can even see the different varieties. The small, stubby one that responds only to the sound of a revving Corvette or bad porn music. The trimmed pubes for the one with the cock ring, which rises for house music, stays hard for hours on GHB, but never really produces any pollen. And the last one that will respond to any music, so long as you have the little blue 'fertilizer pellet' plugged in."
---------------------
Lethe's butt is a galaxy of love.
---------------------
Lethe almost types 'sheepdong' in a pose.
Lethe was posing Sasha's hair falling over his eyes, sheepdog-like, and at first typed sheepdong.
Lethe fixed it, but was amused.
Alaska says "That would take a lot of mousse."
---------------------
Alaska says "Yes. Anyway. Ovine bestiality aside, I go to sleep. Night, folks."
Alaska has disconnected.
Lethe says "It's amazing how many times the words 'ovine bestiality aside' come up in our conversations out of sheer necessity."
---------------------
Szahra says, "Don't you just hate it when you're skullfucking someone and they blink?"
---------------------
Lethe is down to one hand and whatever range catbutt will give the other.
---------------------
Nol says "It's like...you get this brand new home massager, which you use on your neck to relieve back pain or something. And then you log onto the net, and you come across a website, and you see how some people are actually using the same massager for everything from vibrating butt-plugs to preparations for fisting sessions. And you hit the 'off' switch, run to the bedroom, and toss the goddamned thing out the window. That's what kind of effect larryghost had on Mage for me."
---------------------
Lethe says "Aw, mom. I wanted to tell them all about fictitious fag fucking."
---------------------
Peverel says "Since it's coming from Lethe, I parsed it for a moment as 'fictitious dog fucking.' And I was really hoping to have yet another Lethe bestiality reference in the quote file."
Lethe says "I'm done with bestiality references. You people are going to get the wrong idea when I say I'm an animal lover."
Peverel says "HAW HAW HAW"
Lethe says "I just think that laughing at zoophiles is funny. :)"
Ninjakitten snickers.
Lethe says "Because I'm petty and cruel."
Ninjakitten still thinks Lethe needs a horse dildo.
Lethe laughs.
Lethe would so smack people with it.
Ninjakitten says "Cool."
Peverel says "Did Crone donate to the Horse Dildo Fund?"
Lethe says "You'd read about it in the paper, how I got arrested for smacking someone upside the head with a horse dildo for taking my seat on the bus."
Crone hasn't?
Crone says "But I have to know what color it is before I give over any money."
Ninjakitten says "Black."
Peverel just fabulously misworlded that.
Crone says "The color might offend my delicate self."
Ninjakitten says "It's the horse cock of darkness."
Lethe facepalms.
Peverel howls laughing.
Lethe says "Where did you misworld that, Pev?"
Peverel says "OGR."
Ninjakitten snickers.
Lethe curls up in a ball.
Crone says "The Throbbing Chocolate Horsecock of Darkness and Doooooom."
Peverel says "In the IGU embassy place."
---------------------
Peverel | Peverel just laughs at the two of you. Man. If a Horse Dildo Fund mav can't snap you out of this conversation, nothing will.
---------------------
Peverel says "Here, Aunt Bertha. Here's a printout of some hot weasel ass sex I was having with this complete stranger online. Note the textured character development as I stick my fist through his sphincter."
---------------------
Lethe says "So I was IM'ing a friend last night from Lit. and trying to a) describe MUSH, b) describe how MUSH was populated mostly by illiterate mongs, c) this is why I was doing private RP with a friend, d) how traumatizing this RP was."
Lethe says "After describing it all, she says, "Wow. I thought RP was, like, about elves and goblins, and swords and knights and stuff. It's supposed to be fun! But it's all anal sex and suicide."
Lethe just died.
Lethe told her: wow, you've just summed up my ten year MUSH experience.
Ninjakitten breaks. Oh my god.
Ninjakitten | RP: It's all anal sex and suicide.
---------------------
Kieron says "All the good raccoons are either married or gay."
---------------------
Kieron notes the song "Give a hoot. Don't pollute." Except the owl is crotchless.
Conrad says "Give a hoot: shield your chute."
---------------------
Conrad says "Get thee behind me, barbecue of darkness."
---------------------
Conrad composes poetry to show his love!
There once was an unfer named Pev
Whose TS turned others bright red.
In light of his talents,
Their wangs in the balance,
They named him their standard in bed.
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "Boys: like clocks, but warmer."
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "It's not like, 'Cucumbers: Like cocks, but colder' or anything."
---------------------
Alaska says "You're totally batting a thousand today."
Alaska says "Batting... WITH COCK."
---------------------
Lethe was in the kitchen putting on the kettle and heard a strange sound and asked, "What are you hitting in there?" He says, "My butt." I say, ".... Okay." He explains, "I'm making sweet butt music."
---------------------
Lethe says "Okay, I regret it when flossing is adventuresome."
Lethe says "And that is all I have to say about that."
---------------------
Lethe has connected.
Peverel says "WENCH!"
Lethe looks around. "Where!"
Peverel says "IN MY PANTS."
Lethe says "You shouldn't talk about Alaska like that."
Peverel says "It turns her on."
Lethe says "She's a saucy tart, that one."
Peverel says "Awww yeah."
Lethe says "She's being awfully quiet."
Peverel says "Her mouth is full."
Lethe says "Hey, what's up? Cock got yer tongue? Haw haw haw."
---------------------
Alaska says "Christ. The 80's Glam Rocker spanks me every time."
---------------------
Lethe waggles her genitals in an insulting fashion. Like a swashbuckler. In pirate porn.
---------------------
Dr. Epoch says "Man, this scene is making the baby jesus cry."
Dr. Epoch says "The baby jesus in my pants."
---------------------
Dr. Epoch makes a face. "Damnit, the baby jesus in my pants is teething again."
---------------------
Ninjakitten has seen a dog hump a couch, and now imagines Pev in that position. And snickers.
---------------------
Peverel says "I love my mom."
Peverel says "She'd be lost without me."
Peverel | Mom: They've discovered a way...to make people -invisible-....USING TINY MIRRORS ALL OVER THEIR BODIES.
Peverel | Me: So...like walking disco balls.
Peverel | Mom: Well...yes...except invisible!
Peverel | Me: I dunno. All you'd need is a flashlight...blink it on and off a few times, make them spin around in place, and you've got a party!
Peverel | Mom dissolves into laughter.
You say "I don't know where she comes up with this shit. I'm revoking her Discovery Channel license until she can figure out what's realism and what's not."
Lethe imagines the warscape of the future.
Alaska says "Like the 70s, only with ray guns?"
Lethe | Captain Peverel peers into the distance, sprawled on his stomach, his tight muffin ass straining against his BDUs. He brings the binoculars up to his eyes as he looks out over the desert. "Sergeant," he grunts to the underling crouching nearby. "Flick the flashlight." Out in the desert, spangles of light flicker and dance off sagebrush and sand. "Crap," mutters the Captain. He draws up, preparing to slip stealthily back into the trench. "Alert the General. They've got funk."
---------------------
Lethe says "That's what they called it today, when my plush octopus was resting on my chest without falling off."
---------------------
Peverel laughs and laughs. "Damn, Alaska, you're just a Red Meat strip waiting to happen."
---------------------
Peverel will get you a strap-on Quisinart.
Ninjakitten has connected.
---------------------
Lethe needs an airtight pressure cooker, a rubber hose, a glass flask, and the boy to be elsewhere for about a day.
Lethe is sure she can jury-rig what she needs, and eyes empty soda bottles thoughtfully.
---------------------
Alaska says "I'm an equal-opportunity whore. I crave all kok, not necessarily just teh hawt ghey ones."
---------------------
Peverel says "Who is this person who thinks of me when dropping homo soap?"
Ninjakitten has connected.
---------------------
Lethe is all unf unf unf oh yeah oh yeah unf oh god yeah, sacred union in the
eyes of God unf unf.
---------------------
Lethe says "When I was a little girl, daydreaming of what my life would be like when I got married, and what my husband would be like, I did not picture him wandering in, cooing, "Mrs. Jackson! Neee!" And scampering around gleefully."
---------------------
Lethe is the Black Boot of the Woods with a Thousand Punts.
---------------------
Lethe says "Admittedly, before he got used to me, I used to have to abandon all subtlety to get sex. If you make bedroom eyes at him, he'll blink at you vapidly. You pretty much have to throw him on a bed and say, "Give me your seed, Earth man.""
---------------------
Peverel says "...Great. My inner child is sixteen."
Dominic can imagine worse things than having an inner kid with a driver's license.
---------------------
Peverel says "Oh, Ferrari, I hate you so much."
Peverel says "HATE with the HATEY HATENESS"
Peverel says "Here, have a hate cracker with a nice dollop of ooey gooey hate topping."
Peverel says "ALL FROM ME"
Dominic peers. "Obviously, Dr. Seuss needs a little anger management."
Dominic thinks 'Hate with the Hatey Hateness' is the little-known, alternative press sequel to 'Horton Hoses the Whos.'
Peverel does not want to think about Horton's hose or what it does with the Whos.
Peverel says "But I bet all the Whos down in Whoville got NO sleep that night."
Dominic says "Oh, they got sleep. But they slept on their tum-tums, from the soreness in their bum-bums."
Peverel dies.
---------------------
Lethe says "Well, I'm not sure what the shock absorption of poo is, but I'd imagine it gets the job done, and there's mountains of the stuff south of here."
---------------------
Lethe says "So once a month, the mighty Pussy Stalker is on the prowl."
---------------------
Dominic says "There are some real merchandising opportunities in this whole poo-flinging thing."
---------------------
VASpider bows. "I know I can always come on Peverel for the women's prison jokes."
VASpider says "COUNT."
VASpider says "COUNT ON PEVEREL."
---------------------
Lethe, Team Porn Leader!
---------------------
Lethe says "Where, oh where can I get a dick up my ass!"
---------------------
Peverel eyes CNN. "Y'know........I would have written this title differently."
Peverel says "'Scientists conceive mouse with 2 moms'."
Peverel ...
Alaska says "..."
Peverel says "Yeeeeeeah. I'd've...written that differently."
Alaska says "See, I can't figure out if that's inferring lesbian adoptive mice, or conjoined twin mice, or what."
Peverel says "I'm trying to figure out what the fuck scientists are doing conceiving mice!"
Alaska says "...That's true too."
Peverel says "Because....fuckin' mice is just bad, mmmkay?"
Alaska says "Poor mice."
Peverel says "You have to use duct tape."
Peverel says "Otherwise, they'll explode."
Peverel says "*SQUEAK!* *splut*"
Alaska says ".............."
Alaska says "Well, THAT'S a mental image that will haunt me for the rest of my life."
Peverel doffs his cap.
---------------------
Alaska says "I will never escape this mental image."
Nokomis says "If it frightens you that much, just imagine it's Mickey Mouse."
Nokomis says "Or is that less frightening for you? I just imagine Mickey's giggle and imagine him doing that while taking it up the ass, and suddenly the idea of fucking a mouse seems fun, and a lot less frightening."
Peverel says "M-I-C....see you bent over the table! K-E-Y...K-Y? Only if you're lucky! M-O-U-S-SQUEEEEEEEEEEAK!"
Alaska says "Do you hear sound? That faint screaming sound? That's the last vestige of the innocence fleeing my tortured childhood memories."
Nokomis says "Oh, I thought it was my inner child screaming for help."
Peverel says "My personal Disneyland: where your inner children go to die screaming in a torturous hell of perversion."
---------------------
Nokomis says "Is it wrong that I keep wanting to ask how your pipeline's doing, Alaska?"
Nokomis says "I mean, is the flow good?"
---------------------
Nokomis says "Admit it Pev. You're secretly Dr. Poon aren't you?"
---------------------
Ian was reading Ab3's stories again the other night.
Nokomis says "And this made you think of tag teaming me with Pev while I have a penis shaped gag in my mouth?"
---------------------
Peverel says "FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!! MAKE ME FUCKING REGISTER WITH YOUR FUCKING SITE TO GET RECIPES? FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKERS! EAT MY ASS! JUST FOR THAT, I WILL STEAL YOUR MOTHERFUCKING RECIPES AND POST THEM FOR FREE ON THE FUCKING INTERNET WHERE EVERYONE CAN GET THEM, SEE IF I DON'T!"
Peverel says "MOTHERFUCKERS!"
Alaska says "See, that? Adorable."
Alaska says "...In a vulgar and perhaps slightly geeky way, but still."
Peverel is not adorable. He is stealing recipes.
Peverel is punk rock. Sorta.
Alaska says "Oh yeah, liberating recipes is very dangerous and punky."
Ian has connected.
Peverel says "It -is-. Fuck you, wench."
Alaska says "Pfft. Empty promises."
Ian says "Hmm?"
Alaska says "Pev is stealing recipes and reposting them online. He insists that this is dangerous and punky."
Ian says "Pev's a rebel."
Alaska says "Isn't he just."
Peverel hates you all.
Ian laughs.
Peverel is a motherfucking rebel against fucking register-only recipe sites.
Peverel says "Fuckers."
Ian says "Stick it to the man, you culinary maverick!"
Peverel says "THEY WILL NO LONGER HIDE THEIR STICKY BUN FRENCH TOAST FROM THE MASSES!"
Alaska says "....Sticky bun french toast."
Alaska says "Ohhh yeah, SO punk."
Peverel says "See, don't you wish you knew all about the sticky bun french toast conspiracy? BUT YOU DON'T!!!!! Because you did not REGISTER!!!! But if I free the information, YOU TOO COULD BE AWARE!"
Peverel says "The Channel 4 Chef will no longer keep the brother man in ignorance!"
Alaska says "You tell 'em! Stick it to the recipe man!"
---------------------
Alaska says "You should be nice to me, because when you're not looking Ian keeps trying to get me to app Garou instead."
Peverel cackles. Does he?
Alaska laughs. Yes.
Peverel says "I'll pimpslap him for trying to poach my woman."
Alaska says "Poach schmoach, slacker."
Peverel says "He's trying to smooch you -too-? Better watch out for him!"
Alaska LAUGHS.
Peverel says "Ian is SUCH a man-whore."
Peverel coughs.
Alaska says "I'm sorry, Pot, what was that? Something about Kettle?"
Ian has connected.
Alaska LAUGHS
Peverel whistles innocently...HOLY SHIT
Peverel CHOKES
---------------------
Nokomis has connected.
Alaska CANNOT stop reading this thing, it's like a trainwreck. A trainwreck with blood and gore and GROWN MEN WHACKING PUD TO BAMBI.
Alaska says "...err, hi Nokomis."
Nokomis just stops and gets really still hoping that she can push that imagine out of her scarred and twisted psyche.
Nokomis says "Image even."
Peverel smiles happily. "Hi, Nokomis. Welcome to Pev's Hose of Mental Scarring."
Peverel says "...HOUSE. I MEANT TO SAY HOUSE."
Ian says "Like hell you did!"
Ian says "You sick fuck!"
---------------------
Lethe says "Sometimes, cock is the only reason I don't sell my husband to scientific research."
---------------------
Lethe says "It's no wonder 100 million faggots are eaten in the UK every year!"
---------------------
Peverel fucking loves Nol.
Alaska says "He's just the nicest man."
Peverel says "He really is. He's such a god damn sweetheart, and a studmonster to boot."
Peverel says "He claims he's straight, but I've seen the way sheep look at him when he walks by."
Alaska says "Also, Dieter."
Peverel says "Absolutely."
Peverel says "Now is the time on Sprockets when we fuck sheep."
---------------------
Ian says "Ass muffin? Please tell me what this ass muffing thing is all about?"
Alaska says "ASS MUFFIN"
Peverel -laughs-
You say "It's entirely Alaska's fault."
Alaska says "It is not!"
Alaska says "..."
Ian says "Because right now, I'm picturing someone clenching baked good between their buttocks, and it disturbs me."
Peverel DIES
Alaska HOWLS
Peverel gasps for air.
Nokomis sticks a bagel between Ian's ass cheeks. "If you drop the bagel? Captain Winky here gets cut!"
Ian says "So, please, help dispel this awful image from my mind."
Peverel falls -out-.
Ian says "Because I highly doubt that I have enough booze to achieve this on my own."
Alaska laughs so hard she fucking CRIES
Peverel would explain, but there is nothing I can possibly say that would be even remotely that funny.
Ian says "Now I'm picturing Pev, hobbling around, with a carrot muffing sticking out of his ass, and Dominic chasing him around."
---------------------
Ian says "I hate to say it, but there comes a point where I just don't want to fuck anymore."
---------------------
Nokomis laughs. "I baked some sugar cookies. We could take say a half dozen of those and stick them in a line in his ass crack."
Nokomis says "Tell him what a sweet ass he has."
Alaska laughs and laughs and laughs oh god I am such a dead woman.
Nokomis says "Clara Bow hair, glitter, and a sweet sugar cookie ass."
Alaska says "And high platform boots. And a silver lame cape."
Nokomis says "Definitely."
Nokomis says "Which sort of makes him: Super Queer"
Alaska LAUGHS
Nokomis says "A pink triangle blazoned on his chest with a purple Q over it."
Alaska says "We are BOTH dead women."
Nokomis says "Yes, yes we are."
Alaska says "And his sidekick is Androgynous Boy."
Nokomis says "And of course they both have huge cod pieces."
Alaska says "Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge cod piece."
Nokomis nods. "Patent leather covered."
Alaska says "And spit-shined. With tongue."
Nokomis says "In fact, all Androgynous Boy does is spit shine Super Queer's cod piece."
Nokomis says "And eat sugar cookies from the crack of his ass."
Alaska says "Indeed."
Nokomis says "I keep waiting for Pev to come back and kill us."
---------------------
Peverel says "Was watching Graham Norton last night, and he made a HILARIOUS joke about how since the Olympics was in Greece this year, they were going to have traditional sports like discus-throwing and sheep-fucking. I thought of you."
Nol chuckles. "Too much sex these days. And the damn sheep take /hours/ to satisfy. I'll stick to same-species sex, if you don't mind. Sorry for wrecking the hawt fantasies and all..."
Peverel's brain goes sproing.
Nol mhehs. "My skills are improving."
---------------------
Peverel says "Synchronized Cow-Having."
Nokomis says "It was interstate synchronized cow-having, cause I have a calf
here in my office too."
---------------------
Nokomis says "God that thread is like watching a bunch of blind men with no arms and raging hardons trying to fuck each other in the ass."
---------------------
Alaska says "I've been thinking about roasting her liver to serve with fava
beans and a nice Chianti, but I think I need another point in Cooking for
that."
---------------------
Tenthet is bored. Ponders.
Nokomis says "Hey, Tenthet, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
Tenthet says "I dunno. Are you thinking about taking off your pants?"
Nokomis says "Bah. You're supposed to say something like: Gee, Nokomis, I don't know. I mean I think we could get Pev to wear the tutu but how are we going to dangle over the stage during the presidential debate tonight?"
Tenthet says "Oh, that's easy. Wires. And a timely blowjob to security."
Peverel says "...See, this is why I should never leave the keyboard for more than five minutes. You two start plotting."
---------------------
Lethe tries to stop thinking of Pev as ouchie the clown.
Lethe cries.
Lethe says "It started because I started thinking of what it would be like if he opened up a 'coming out' service where he helped people come out to their familes."
Lethe says "Only Pev-style. So there would be lots of pain and glitter paint."
Alaska says "And silver lame capes."
Alaska says "And Clara Bow hair."
---------------------
Alaska says "Okay, Milkman Dan's sig files are beginning to freak me out."
Alaska says "The idea that anyone has read the Anne Frank / Dragonball Z crossover fic enough to QUOTE it hurts me almost as deeply as his earlier Broadway quote."
Alaska says "...Wait,."
Alaska says "I kind of just admitted that I recognized where his sig came from, didn't I?"
---------------------
Peverel says "I was a wiz so long, I've forgotten the whole RP for RP's sake thing."
Lethe says "It can be fun when your neurons are firing!"
Alaska says "RP for RP's sake? There is such a thing?"
Lethe says "I've heard it told."
Peverel says "I don't believe it. It's like Santa Claus or the female orgasm."
Lethe says "What if I told you Santa gave me one of those for Christmas?"
---------------------
Alaska says "A little part of me died just then."
Peverel says "But it wasn't a part you really wanted."
Lethe says "Sometimes I just see the line of good taste and mistake it for the finish line."
Lethe says "And I run over it with my arms flailing, going for that special Olympic gold."
Peverel LAUGHS
Peverel says "Lethe: proud member of the Taste Special Olympics."
Lethe beams.
Lethe says "You don't want to see my endorsement profile."
Lethe says "Or what I'm doing on the Wheaties box."
Alaska's last remaining shreds of innocence burst into hysterical tears.
---------------------
Lethe does want to say, however, that bears/cubs are some of the sissiest sissy men in the universe.
Lethe is just calling a spade a spade, here.
Peverel says "Oh god yeah."
Peverel says "Absolutely no argument here."
Peverel says "It's like, 'I'm gonna make up for my manly appearance by being the girliest motherfucker on the planet!'"
Lethe nodnods.
Lethe says "I love my friend. I do. But he is the biggest sissiest typical faggoty fag I've ever met. I mean he lisps when he says "Shut up. I'm butch.""
Alaska has connected.
Lethe says "I also dated him briefly in college."
Lethe says "So I think that explains /that/."
Alaska says "Normally, I would be intrigued about this thread of conversation. However, knowing that it's Lethe, instead I am crippled with abject terror."
Lethe beams.
Lethe quotes that.
Alaska says "I don't know why, but for some reason the image of you I have in
my head occasionally froths out such gems as 'I FUCKED HITLER'."
---------------------
Peverel says "The thing I have the hardest time with is any drink that requires me to both dissolve a sugar cube in water/alcohol AND have the alcohol be cold."
Alaska says "A la Absinthe?"
Peverel says "Hi! Solids don't dissolve in cold liquids well! Basic physics! Next!"
Peverel grumbles. "A la absinthe. A la sazeracs."
Alaska laughs.
Peverel says "God, I fucking love sazeracs, and I can't fucking make them to save my life."
Alaska says "Poor Pev."
Peverel ended up getting completely smashed on New Year's because he kept trying to come up with different ways to successfully make a sazerac, and it was like...Drink #1: meticulously measure out every ingredient. Follow all directions. Drink. Get annoyed that sugar still hadn't dissolved. Drink #2: meticulously measure out every ingredient. This time, crush sugar granules individually with spoon for ten minutes first. Drink #3: DOUBLE ALL INGREDIENTS GOD DAMN IT AND JUST BANG ON IT GOD DAMN IT YAR YAR YAR. Still can't get the fucking sugar to do right MOTHERFUCKER. Drink #4: screw the motherfucking sugar cube, I'm using Splenda! That'll dissolve at least! Drink #5: fuck the actual ingredients, from here on out it's just bourbon and bitters.
Alaska dies laughing.
Peverel says "God damn motherfucking sugar cube drinks will not get the better of ME. The sugar cube drink is a PLOT by the MAN to keep us DOWN when we're trying to get drunk. But NO! Motherfuckers! I have foiled their plans! I am wise in the ways of the laws of physics! They'll never catch me with me trousers! HA HA HA!"
Alaska says "I revere you as I would a god."
Peverel says "Damn right you do."
---------------------
Pathway says "Dude. Hate to break it to you, but... The whole world is Pev's
baby seal."
---------------------
Texas Hold 'Em says "If I feel like dick, I masturbate."
---------------------
Texas Hold 'Em says "Well, the one time I had anal sex was preceded by several months of discussing it. So..."
Peverel says "...."
Peverel says "OH!! YOU were on the giving end!"
Peverel says "Never mind."
Sessurea LAUGHS.
Texas Hold 'Em says "Uh, yes."
Peverel goes back to his little corner.
---------------------
Texas Hold 'Em says "Did I tell you I got asked out on a date?"
Sessurea says "Rings a bell."
Texas Hold 'Em says "A 19yo /hotty/ asked me out."
Sessurea says "And I'm vaguely amused this leads on from anal sex."
Peverel says "BWAHAHAHAHA"
Texas Hold 'Em says "Of course it does."
Texas Hold 'Em says "10yo hotty = anal sex."
Texas Hold 'Em says "Whoops."
Texas Hold 'Em says "19."
Sessurea says "Nice slip there."
Texas Hold 'Em says "THEY'RE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER."
---------------------
Kolyada peeks down at NK's lap. "Before I bounce on your lap... Warn a girl you're wearing the strap on!"
Ninjakitten says "BUt that'd take the fun our of it."
Ninjakitten says "....out."
Kolyada says "Out of it, into it, out of it, into it... oh. Maybe I should stop bouncing now."
Ninjakitten says "No, no, keep going."
Kolyada says "Man. At least Sess didn't log onto that."
Sessurea has connected.
---------------------
Texas Hold 'Em says "I came because Peverel was awake for once."
---------------------
Peverel says "Oddly, it occurs to me that Pathway would look stunningly like Billy Corgan if he shaved his head again."
Texas Hold 'Em isn't going to fuck him. =(
You say "Except Path will never be that pale."
Texas Hold 'Em says "Oh."
Peverel laughs. "That's okay. Unless you cover yourself with fluffy wool, I don't think Path would fuck you either."
---------------------
Sessurea says "Wow. http://www.fisher-price.com/uk/babygear/product.asp?id=25402&sku=B8871&c=bgpty"
Sessurea says "I want a royal fanfare when I take a dump, man."
Peverel boggles.
Sessurea watches the demo.
Sessurea says "Dun da da DA!"
Peverel says "HA HA HA"
Peverel says "That just totally teaches kids to throw things in the toilet. I love it."
Peverel says "That's, like, 'Anal-Obsessive Stage-In-A-Box.'"
Sessurea says "I'm picturing the first couple of times the kid is on there, doing their business, then gets the fright of their life when it trumpets at them and leaps off it, making a mess everywhere."
---------------------
Sessurea plays, 'how much miscellaneous crap can I fit into my underwear drawer'.
Em says "That depends on whether you use it for actual underwear or for porn."
Peverel parsed that as 'how much miscellaneous crap can I fit into my underwear,' and that made the '"That depends on whether you use it for actual underwear or for porn" THAT MUCH FUNNIER.
Sessurea hahahah.
Sessurea says "My sword does not fit into my underwear drawer."
Em says ".... Is that literal or euphemistic?"
Sessurea says "Literal. :("
Peverel says "I have that SAME PROBLEM."
Sessurea says "Then there's the periodically unplugging my network cable when trying to sort out all the cables."
Peverel says "Oh, wait."
Peverel says "...you have to unplug your network cable to get into your underwear?"
Em says "That sounds like a personal problem."
Peverel says "Well, I don't know if I'd call it a -problem-..."
---------------------
Sessurea says "I can envision Pev as something you need a cream to clear up."
---------------------
Daniel dies laughing. I don't mind working with them. I used to be a Beaver Leader when I was in high school, and then I Volunteered with them a lot in Venturers as well. As long as I can hand them back to their parents by the end, it's all good.
Peverel says, "....a Beaver Leader? Y'know, I've been a beaver leader once or twice in my time, too."
Wilder thought Daniel wrote "Beaver Lender." Not sure whether that changes the rest of the sentence, tho.
Peverel says, "AHAHAHAHA."
Peverel would totally volunteer to lead beaver.
Wilder says, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be, though."
Wilder says, "Brazenly selling it, however--fine."
Peverel nods solemnly. You should always own your beaver.
Peverel says, "Or at least, you know, rent."
Wilder says, "Or work otu some rent-to-own arrangement. Leasing, however...no way."
Peverel says, "Perhaps a mutually beneficial trade agreement."
Wilder says, "Bilateral, or even multilateral trade pact."
Peverel says, "Sort of a Beaver NAFTA."
Wilder says, "Or Beaver EU, standardized currency and all."
Wilder says, "Are we getting off-topic?"
Peverel says, "I think we may have broken Daniel."
Wilder says, "We broke the Beaver Lender? Shit."
Peverel says, "Yeah. That'll suck, there'll be a run on Beaver."
Peverel says, "We'll need to call in the Beaver FICA..."
Wilder says, "A Beaver Great Depression. Like the Dust Bowl."
Peverel says, "AAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA"
---------------------